Marriage

A martyr, of course, is someone who sacrifices much for a cause he or she believes in. People who are killed for their faith are martyrs. This is great and noble, but there is another kind of martyr that isn't so great and isn't so noble - the selfish martyr. The selfish martyr is someone who believes that they are owed because of the sacrifices and pain that he or she was forced to endure. Some parents who sacrifice a lot for their children somehow believe that their children now owe them something. Perhaps a wife, who has sacrificed greatly due to a problematic marriage, feels that she is owed...

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Is jealousy wrong? We've all grown up to believe that it is. We take great pleasure in using it as an excuse as to why our relationships fail, in pointing this fact out to others as justification for our own actions, and accusing our loved ones of it as if it is some gigantic three headed monster. I want to rearrange your thinking a bit. This article is meant to be provocative in the sense that it is designed to challenge the status quo, the politically correct, and socially acceptable platitudes. First, let me redefine three simple words that we use interchangeably, but which, in truth,...

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We are taught that jealousy is wrong. Indeed, it often leads to disastrous results. But is it normal? Or is it the result of some wrong thinking or wrong decisions? First, it is essential to accurately define jealousy as compared to two other terms-envy and covetousness. Since I am a pastor of a church and often deal with jealousy in relationships, I will define all three Biblically as the Bible gives the clearest distinction between the three. COVETOUSNESS - The desire of that which is not yours (Exodus 20:17, Deuteronomy 5:21). ENVY – Not only desiring what is not yours, but begrudging...

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Often what brings people together has absolutely nothing to do with what will keep them together in the long run. Getting close to someone is often the result of mutual attraction or the discovery of things that you have in common. If you both like tennis, that might be enough to draw you together. Dating couples find things about each other that they like, and these mutual attractions or common interests pull them into a relationship. People who work together towards common goals will find themselves getting close to each other. Just ask any war veteran how they feel about their foxhole buddy. But...

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I'll state again that the instincts that will be discussed here are not universally true but generally true. In the majority of the cases, you'll find that these God given instincts exert a particular force on our nature and thus the family. With that being said, the family, in the context of this article, is that of a man, a woman, and their children. This is the family that I believe God ordained, and the particular instincts that we are created with have a symbiotic impact on each of these three elements. Things will obviously be more confused when you add in divorce, stepfathers, stepmothers,...

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The marriage should come first. That doesn't mean that you ignore the children. But it does mean that if you want what is best for your children, you will keep the marriage strong. As a pastor of a Church, I counsel many marriages and many problem children. What I have discovered is that many or rather most of a child's problems are directly related to the problems within the marriage of his or her parents. Give me a troubled marriage and I will invariably find troubled children. That is a fact that is indisputable from my experience of over a decade of counseling and trying to patch relationships...

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No matter what type of relationship you have, marriage, family, or friends, to have a functioning relationship you need three things that are essential to the success of that relationship. 1. Attraction 2. Love 3. Trust I pastor a Church, and when I do marital counseling I can tell where a marriage is struggling, weak, empty, or strong all based on these three areas of their relationship. Each one of the three elements produces footprints in that a knowledgeable counselor can follow to determine the strength of a relationship. By themselves, they seem rather obvious, but upon examination...

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Men Have A Need To Be Protective. Women Have A Need To Feel Secure. I have found this to be so true with the majority of men and women that I almost think that this is a truism, not a generality. Men are built instinctively with the need to protect. It is the knight in shining armor syndrome. To rescue the fair maiden in distress, while the fair maiden is desperately wishing to be rescued by a handsome knight in shining armor. It is an extension of the previous concept (discussed in Part 1). The man, if he can control his environment, can protect his woman. When a woman feels secure, she sees...

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Before we leap into this subject too much, it is necessary to understand that there is no possible way that everything mentioned here applies 100% to all men or all women. The subject here, 'understanding the opposite sex' is in terms of generality. Most of the concepts here will apply to most men or women, but not all. God made us too diverse to emphatically say this is the way a woman thinks, or this is the way a man will react. However, to say that there is no difference between men or women is an absurdity that lends credence to the political correct pundits. Let me make a statement that...

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Men Form Relationships Through Shared Experiences. Women Form Relationships Through Shared Emotions. I've found this to be pretty consistent. Men get close by sharing experiences while women get close by sharing emotions. Ever wonder why a woman often likes to talk on the phone? And why a man likes his 'guy's night out'? One of the most common complaints that I hear from wives is that her husband won't sit down and talk with her. She feels that she can't get close to him unless there is a sharing of emotion. Men, on the other hand, want to go play tennis, or watch a movie, or build something. Two...

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