Children

When you think of character, what definition springs to mind? It has been described to me in a variety of ways, such as: the subconscious doing of right, or taking responsibility for your responsibilities, and also doing right even when it goes against your nature. These all seem to be good definitions. They all, however, have a common thread. Each definition depends upon the ability of the individual in question to self-govern, or rule himself. This is the essence of character. Setting for yourself rules in order to remain honest, to be on time, to work hard, to be patient, understanding, dedicated,...

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When it comes to building character in someone's life, particularly of children, a technique I’ve coined as the ‘Reflection Technique’ can help assist in accomplishing this. Character is self-rule. It is the ability to follow a set of values, rules, morals, and principles laid down by one’s own self. The Bible teaches us that a person who cannot rule his own spirit is like a city without walls—or completely defenseless. Character is the walls to our lives, the buffer against worldly and negative influences. Most children grow up having been restrained by their parents’ character...

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In an ideal world, we would like to see a positive attitude that promotes a productive action. But, as most parents know, we don’t always get both. So what ought to be more important? The action or the attitude? As parents, should we be more concerned with the child’s attitude or, if a child performs the correct action, is that good enough? For example, you tell your thirteen year old son to take out the trash. He grumbles, procrastinates, argues, but eventually does it. He scowls the whole time. He slams the trash lid down in frustration. He stomps around as if he has been greatly insulted....

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STAGE 1 - CAPTURING YOUR CHILD'S HEART We'll say that this is the ages between 0 and 12. But this can vary a year or two in either direction of the age 12. At this stage of your children's life, you have a very unique opportunity. You can capture their heart. This is the main goal for this age. Yes, you have to teach them. Yes, they need discipline. Yes, you need to provide for them. But all of these things ought to be done with the goal of capturing their heart. Children, at this age, love to be around their parents. They aren't looking to always be off with their friends. They want to help...

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At some point, your children will begin to recognize the hypocrisy in your life. And the truth is we all are hypocrites to some degree or another. Most people will admit that they believe in their hearts that something is wrong, yet haven't found the character or desire to stop doing it themselves. How many parents smoke while telling their children never to do it? How many parents drink while telling their children never to do it? How many parents condemn their children's lies while telling lies of their own? How many parents are asked by their children, "Did you do it when you were my age?" The...

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Rebellion is the result of conflicting authority. When authority can't provide a united front, it is very dangerous. There are several things you can do to provide a unified front before your kids. 1. Discuss rules and discipline together. Come to a full agreement on all aspects of it--before you implement them. 2. Never, never, never, never argue in front of your children. If you have a disagreement, discuss it when the kids are asleep, or when they're not around. All growing up, I never one time heard my parents argue with each other. I can't tell you how secure and happy my brother and I were...

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Setting rules for your children is a fundamental part of discipline. Honestly, you have no right to discipline, or punish a child for doing something that you never made clear was wrong. That's just not fair. Shotgun discipline builds resentment in your children. Establish rules. Make sure that your kids know the rules, and make sure they know exactly what the consequences will be if they break the rules. The first thing to do is to make sure that you and your spouse agree on the rules and the consequences. Setting aside a time where you can discuss this is important. Conflicting authority...

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Without a doubt, one of the most heart wrenching things a parent can suffer is that of a child who is rebellious. You may ask, "How do I know if my kid is rebellious or just spirited?" The answer to that is simple. Rebellion is open disregard for authority. A kid can be absentminded and not be rebellious. A kid can do wrong and not be rebellious. But a kid who openly defies a parent's authority is rebellious. Rebellion in the heart of a child is like a disease. It'll skew their entire moral center. Rebellion can't be allowed to grow, or it'll completely dominate the attitude of a child. It is usually...

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There is no easy answer to this problem. There are thousands of books out there on this subject alone, and they all have different answers. We must remember that children are unique. There has never been a child like yours, nor will there ever be again. There are, I believe, principles that are true for all children across the board. But in other areas, it is largely up to the parent to figure out what will work. To correct behavior in a child (or an adult for that matter), you must first understand the source of the behavior. Tackling the most obvious visual and verbal results of the problem...

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Getting your kids to listen to you can be a problem at times. Undoubtedly, you've tried a variety of methods from shouting, finger pointing, scowling, threatening, and the famous counting to ten. Kids seem to tune out your words if your tone is saying something else. Your tone of voice carries a tremendous amount of meaning to your children. Every child is different, of course, and you'll have to figure out exactly what will work for your unique, special, and totally different child. Here are some rules of thumb that I've found useful: 1. Always treat your children's problems as large...

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